I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
