So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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