PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
