I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
