I want to make a zoo with you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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