oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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