dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's shark week go big or go home
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
