Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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