Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
