I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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