I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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