im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
