I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
