also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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