i permit you to call me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
