I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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