Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
