New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
