one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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