i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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