Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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