sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
