so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
