I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She needs sedatives and a leash
this hospital has no fireball
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
