One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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