We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
