yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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