those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
