Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
