dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
