Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
