So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
