I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Randomize
