I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
