Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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