2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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