Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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