drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Please don't give away my fajitas
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