Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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