So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
