I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
