PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
