took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
