well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
