remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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