I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
