I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
