Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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