Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am one with the molecules
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
