went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
