I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
