He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
