I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
