I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
