addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
4 words: hood of his car
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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