So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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